


Earth's Mightiest Heroes Type Thing

by GreenVelvetCurtains



Category: Captain America, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Annoying Tony, Humor, Multi, arm twisting, clueless Steve, clueless thor, movie blockbuster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-24
Updated: 2013-03-24
Packaged: 2017-12-06 08:05:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/733408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenVelvetCurtains/pseuds/GreenVelvetCurtains
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has big plans to turn the Avengers' recent exploits into the blockbuster motion picture event of the decade. Look out!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Earth's Mightiest Heroes Type Thing

"I need you to sign something."

Thor peered at the document Tony Stark was waving under his nose. "What is this?"

"It's a contract. I'm going to make a movie about our little adventure. I'm thinking of calling it 'Iron Man'. Ok, no, you know I'm just kidding. Because obviously it would be 'Iron Man and friends'." He waited a beat. "Nothing? Really? Not even a glimmer? Ok, moving on. I need the rights to your story so that no-one else can use it. This basically prevents you from selling your soul to any other devil who wants to make a quick buck off you."

"Tony."

"Hmm?" Pepper was standing before him, arms folded across her chest.

"Does Fury know about this?"

"Of course not. He'd be Furyous. That joke works better if you see it written down," he directed at Thor, before pointing to a paragraph of legalese, "See, you'll get a percentage of the box office takings - less the usual costs, fees and such. And we can always exchange your profit for Asgardian Krona or whatever it is you fellas use up there if you want to take the money 'offshore'.

His offer was met with a piercingly blue-eyed blank stare.

"You have no idea what I'm saying to you, do you."

"No more or less than shaking spears in a park or flying monkeys."

"SHIELD's a covert agency, Tony," Pepper pointed out. "They'll never give you the go ahead for any of this."

"So we'll write the Director out if he doesn't want to play nice. The Avengers saved the world, he may have helped a little, but it's our story to tell. Besides, Fury knew my failings as a human being before he enlisted my help. This sort of thing is to be expected. It's called collateral damage. He'll learn to cope."

He turned his attention back to Thor. "I just need your John Hancock on this little line here," he poked his finger at the spot, "and then you can go see your girlfriend." He smiled benignly at the larger man, before turning to his legal advisor. "We better print her out a copy too. Just to be safe." The suit nodded.

"Who is this John Hancock?"

Tony thought a moment, then looked around the room for an answer. "He was the first man to sign the US Declaration of Independence, sir," supplied the lawyer.

"Ah." He pushed a pen into a none-the-wiser God of Thunder's hand. "Just write your name over there."

Thor made no move to do so.

"Come on, Blondie! You can never be too rich or too famous."

"I am royalty."

"Of course you are. What was I thinking? You're used to people doing stuff for you. Here, let me help," he put his hand over Thor's and directed the pen to the page. "T-h-o-r - Do you have a last name or are you just like Madonna or… Pink."

The blue stare had a decidedly glary quality to it now.

"Stop being a bully, Tony," chided his girlfriend. "He has a magic hammer."

"Right, sure. Sorry. You can do it." He removed his hand and backed away slightly. "Man those guns are impressive. How many hours in the gym a week, give or take?"

Thor put the pen and papers down on the desk unsigned.

"Hey, you know who'd make a good Thor," commented Pepper, who was now perched of the arm of a chair thumbing through a magazine, "assuming this thing ever goes into production. That Hemsworth kid from The Hunger Games. If he beefed up a little for the part and-"

Tony snatched the copy of Empire she was perusing, threw her an apologetic smile, then held up the poster next to Thor to test her theory. "Not that I'm encouraging you or anything!" Pepper added hastily.

The frowning Asgardian held obligingly still as Tony conducted his comparison. "Yeah, they look alike. Get on that," he pointed to the lawyer.

"And who are we planning to play you, Mr Stark?"

Tony looked surprised. "Me." Obviously. "No-one else could possibly do the part justice."

"Can you act?" enquired Pepper.

"I was Joseph in my kindergarten nativity."

"And I'm sure you nailed it, Tony, but you might want to schedule a few lessons anyway, just to be on the safe side." He waved a hand at her in a dismissive manner that suggested such insignificant considerations were beneath his concern.

Footsteps sounded from across the room. "You wanted to see me?"

"Oh Captain, my Captain! I'm making a movie, you're going to be in it. Give him the contract." The lawyer scuttled over and passed Steve Rogers a copy. He read the first few line then stopped.

"Who'd want to watch a flick about a group of misfits trying to save the planet from armour-plated aliens and their psychotic leader?"

"Says the bygone Star Spangled star of stage and screen," countered Tony, "Believe me, it'll be awesome!"

"Take care how you speak of my brother." Steve held up his hands in apology to Thor.

"Films have changed a lot since the forties, Cap. The miracle of glorious Technicolor alone would probably be enough to melt your brain. People swear on screen these days. And kiss each other on the lips instead of just touching cheeks and looking dreamily off into the distance." Tony spun around suddenly, a look of excitement in his eyes, "Hey, Pepper-"

"No."

"But you haven't even heard my idea yet!"

She stood up to leave. "You're thinking it needs a little sex to spice things up."

"We're so in tune," he beamed to the room, before adding seriously, "It'll be tasteful."

"No."

"And respectful." She was walking away. "Of you and all womankind the world over."

"Not listening Tony," she retreated towards the elevator.

"What, I battle an alien invasion, fly a nuclear warhead into outer space at great risk to my own personal safety, nearly falling to my death afterwards and you're not prepared to consent to a little on-screen lovin'?"

"Will that be all Mr Stark?"

"We'll arrange the sheets strategically so that all anyone can see is, say, your butt." Pepper shook her head. "One cheek?" She jabbed angrily at the button to get the doors to close. "A little thigh then!" He turned to his companions, "She has great thighs by the way. Ok, " he called after her, "no nudity! Pepper?" The elevator drew shut and ended the conversation.

"Yeah, she'll come around. So, Steve." Tony flung his arm across the Captain's shoulders and pointed to the page he was reading. "See, 5% of the gross profit, that's a lot of money when you come from. Hell it's a lot of money nowadays too."

His offer drew no response.

"Geez, you guys are killing me! Ok we'll make it 8%, but not a penny more. Happy?" He scribbled something on the paper and scratched out an offending sentence. "Initial, initial. Ok, now you." He handed Steve the contract who turned in bewilderment to Thor for support.

"Do not look at me, my friend. I understand not 8% of all he says."

"What about Loki?" asked a voice from behind them. Tony looked astonished as Natasha Romanoff approached them. "Pepper tells me you're planning a big movie. If it weren't for him-"

"I vote since he's the bad guy he forfeits his rights to any involvement in this."

"I second," agreed Steve.

"That's not legally sound and you know it."

"So you've gone back to playing Natalie Rushman again?" Tony huffed. "Fine, we'll get the Hulk to convince Loki."

She shrugged. "Also, not technically lawful but I can get on board with that." She perused the document briefly. "8%, wow, that's- extremely generous Tony."

"Finally someone who's on the same page as me! And try not to look so surprised. You get Sagittarius on side and I'll talk to the good Doctor." He turned back to Thor and Steve. "You fellas know I'm not going to leave you alone until I get this done. Just imagine how incredibly annoying that could be."

"If it makes you feel any better," Natasha addressed the other two men, "I used to work in legal for Stark Industries. These look legit."

Steve picked up the ballpoint and put his signature on the dotted line. "Why do I feel like I've just signed my life away."

"It wouldn't be the first time," said Tony, taking the pen and handing it to Thor who followed suit.

Then he uncorked a bottle of champagne, poured and handed out the glasses. "Relax boys. Think fangirls." The Captain looked uncomfortable. "Think premieres and after-parties. Fast cars and yachts on the Med. I'm aiming for a $200 million domestic opening weekend. Conservative estimate."

"Now that's just silly."

"Trust me. It's gonna be huge."

FIN.


End file.
